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My night with Miley

(DISCLAIMER: Everything in this story is 100% true. I tried to write about the experience without sounding like a douchebag, but it still might happen. Oh well.)

Let’s just get to it, as I’m far too hungoveto be alive right now. getting ready to crush another day’s workload!

Last night, I attended a private dinner at Paris Club (never been, but the food was delicious) to celebrate the launch of Topshop/Topman in Chicago. I need to stress something right now. I’m not fashionable (yet) and upon arriving immediately felt like I was back in college. There’s about 500 gorgeous human beings, and I’m the guy who has to keep at least two buttons open on my oxford shirt because it’s tight and I don’t want to Hulk out of it.

Luckily, I ran into some of the best, most creative (and gorgeous) people I know. Love to Monica, James, Seth, Beshel, Luis, Tran, Kara and my future ex-wife Shani. That made it easier, as did the open bar.

The thing about these kind of events is that you never know who you’ll meet. I met dope people like Max from Allplaidout, whose blog I adore.

So the dinner setup was like a wedding. Each guest had a table # and we were all mixed up to inspire conversation. I got sat at the head (!!!) of Table 2. My tablemates were the lovely Daisy Simmons, Raaja Nemani, CEO of Bucketfeet and a bunch of people who already knew each other.I started getting texts. A lot of them.

If you know anything about me, know this: I don’t give a f***. If I’m sitting at a table of people I don’t know, I’m going to introduce myself. So I did. To my immediate left? Robert. To his right? Some girl named Miley and a dude named Liam.

I checked my phone.  “HOW DID YOU GET TO SIT AT MILEY CYRUS’ TABLE!!!!”


So now I’m wilding, right? I’m at the CELEBRITY table. CEO’s, Rich people who wipe with $100 bills and Hannah f*****g Montana.

Before this devolves any further into OMGSTARZEATFOODLIKEUSYOUGUYYZZZ territory, I decide to live up to the nickname I’ve been bestowed and be the Wingman for this city. I start conversation with the entire table, we look at weird pics on our phones, I learn that Liam is in The Hunger Games movie, which my ex got for me but I never finished, he’s from Austrailia, and his brother was Thor.

I learn that one of my table mates was in “The Social Network” and the attractive lady at the end of the bar is Miley’s mom. I lose it when I find out that Robert is the OWNER of my favorite soccer club. I almost cried, then immediately asked what the hell he was thinking getting rid of Mikael Arteta. At this point, dinner has winded down and Miley comes over and says everyone’s going upstairs to dance.

The following occurs:

Me: Oh, are you a dancer?

Miley: Uh, YEAH! So is Liam.

Liam: Nah, not really.

Me: I’m challenging you both to  a dance-off. (I was drinking whiskey, so that = loss.)

Miley: IT’S ONNNN!

So we embarked up to Studio Paris (Amazing space, which explains why I can’t afford to go there usually) and it got going. I danced my ass off, got some amazing career advice from Robert and Miley’s manager Jason, and danced some more. Sat with their crew at their table and everything. There’s pics out there, I’m sure of it.

Now, I know that A: I should have taken 400 pics (Tran, please don’t fire me) and B: that I should be making a MUCH bigger deal of this than I am. I’m going to chill though, because they were honestly some of the nicest famous people I’ve ever met. Like no “I’m on a talk show and need to seem cool” vibe, they were legit nice, friendly and loved to dance. So we did a lot of that.

Lessons learned here?

  • Be nice to everyone you meet. I’m guessing I didn’t randomly get that table assignment. Maybe I did.
  • Stop giving a f***.  Talk to a famous person like they’re your buddies’ college roommate. Challenge them to a dance-off.
  • Don’t be thirsty. Thirsty in this case means starved for attention/importance. Think about the guy/girl who’s always trying to social climb or wants something from you without ever helping you.
  • Don’t drink a ton on a Wednesday night.

So thanks for reading and shout out to everyone I saw and met. This has been “Brief Brushes with Famous People”, I’m Ernest Wilkins.