The beginning of the end for me started when I got a phone call Wednesday morning:
RING! RING!
“Uh…hello?”
Edgar has his own bobble head. Seriously.
“Hey man, it’s Edgar.” Edgar was my buddy, a real fixture in the world of geekdom, known mostly for his involvement with the comedy web-series The Guild. Edgar is always teasing me with how he and Felicia Day are chums and how he’s never gonna let me near her. He’s cruel like that.
I looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 4:30 in the morning. The sun hadn’t risen yet and I was already thinking of ways to kill Edgar. “Umm..hey Edgar, what’s up?”
” I hear you’re getting married, dude.”
(“Aw s**t” I thought. Somehow Edgar had gotten wind of my #twitterwedding to ‘nerd girl’ Jess Godwin. It was just a #twitterwedding – not a real one – but Edgar has a hard time distinguishing between reality and fiction sometimes.)
”You know what that means, right?” Edgar sounded like he was buzzing on a dozen espressos. I also heard a strange clicking sound in the background. Had I been more awake, I would have paid more attention to that little detail, but since I wasn’t I just muttered my reply. “Uh….no.”
“You’ve gotta have a bachelor party!” Edgar’s voice was disconcertingly cheerful, like when your parents told you that your dog was going to go ‘live on a farm in the country.’ At this point the clicking got louder and faster. Even in my diminished state of cognition, I knew this wasn’t a good idea. Edgar is a good guy, still his idea of a ‘good time’ can get out of hand.
“No man, I don’t.” I said feebly.
“Yeah, you do.” he said, in a ‘I-know-what’s-good-for-you’ tone of voice. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
"OH. MY. GOD."
“That has me worried.” And it certainly did.
“No man, it’s cool. I’ve got it covered.” The clicking sound got even more furious now. It took a moment for my head to clear and I realized that it wasn’t clicking I heard, but the sound of scissors clipping paper. “Just be at the Gingerman Tavern on Friday night” Edgar insisted. “Oh….and bring cash. Small bills.”
“Uh…okay – dude…what’s that sound?”
“What sound?”
“That…clipping sound? Are you cutting something with scissors?”
“Yeah man, I made a dozen invitations for your bachelor party! I used 6 different colors of construction paper and have gone through 8 tubes of rubber cement. All the Superfriends will be there!”
“Oh, that explains it.” I conceded. Then my brain caught up to the conversation. “Uh, wait, the who-?”
“The Gingerman Tavern! Be there!” CLICK.
At which point, that famous line from all the Star Wars movies went through my head: “I have a very bad feeling about this.”
And, if you check out the gallery of photos that John Morrison (@localcelebrity on Twitter) took, you can see that my fears were justified. Once Jess Godwin saw the pictures as they were broadcast on Twitter, she called off the #twitterwedding.
My thanks goes out to the guys from Long Pork Comedy for wearing superhero costumes that weren’t all that flattering; the lovely ladies from the “Boobs and Goombahs” burlesque show at Gorilla Tango Theatre -who were such great sports and endured my awkwardness; John Morrison for staging all the photos; and Edgar Garcia for being my “best man.”
And a special thanks to Jess Godwin for playing along and having some geeky fun!
POSTSCRIPT: Here’s what Aquaman was up to after he left my #geekbachelorparty